Jeremy Clarkson Sold Me My M5 Thirteen Years Ago

"M.T. Blake" (autohabit)
10/12/2019 at 16:00 • Filed to: bmw m5, e60 m5, bmw m5 e60, supercars, bmw, v10, smg, top gear, the hunt, dreams, sedan, m5, e60, third vehicle, jeremy clarkson, auto habit

The BMW E60 M5 is the best budget supercar you’ll ever own. I bought one because I will forever have an ‘automotive desire list’ firmly planted in the 90s and 2000s, as those were my formative years. But why the M5?! Well, Jeremy Clarkson sold me on it in 2006, but I had to wait 13 years before I could afford it...

The truck was demoted to the side of the shop.

Why not?! It’s not like there is a new video almost every week telling you not to buy one. Or numerous posts from owners about how unreliable they are... or that it has abysmal fuel mileage... these topics must be a snowball to keep the prices down and keep anyone not worthy away. Right? This is what I tell myself whenever I think about the SMG pump taking a dump. Or when I realize that replacing the VANOS will make my wallet go KA-BLAMOS!!!

Kid approved! Always a source of enjoyment.

The story to my E60 M5 purchase is much more complicated than that, it goes back many years ago to another place, and another atmosphere. It ends with fate, and a homie-hook up.

Around 15 years or so ago, I was a younger and more energetic man, living in the slummy part of Chico, CA, and working as an automotive apprentice while studying automotive technology. In these days Top Gear was a cult icon. It was not available in the USA and could only be downloaded using things like Limewire or Mozilla. The files would arrive with quality rivaling Minecraft with something resembling 8-Bit quality. The footage sometimes either edited or having sync issues with the audio, too.

The wheels look a little big up front but in back they look just right. Bellissimo!

Regardless! It was the best automotive programming available. Even if it was unwatchable by today’s 4k standards. One night while sitting in my dumpster quality furnished room ( read: my box spring was on the floor and bigger than the mattress, a lesser-than-Ikea-quality desk, a recently ant nest occupied desktop tower, and a CRT TV that would be an eyesore in most bowling alleys ) I found myself watching Jeremy Clarkson review the then new E60 M5.

(Top Gear BMW M5 E60 Videos: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! )

The Top Gear segment on the E60 M5 was disappointing. It spent two-thirds of the segment bashing how terrible the SMG-III transmission shifted in traffic, and how the sat-nav lady yelled over every late 70s Pop band Clarkson was enjoying. I still to this day do not know why I suffered though that segment. I should have turned it off and gone back to World of Warcraft. It was uneventful, poorly humored, and not at all pretty.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Maybe I had nothing better to do that night ( probably ). Maybe I was trying to learn about something I thought I’d never own ( not likely ). Or maybe it was destiny ( psh...destiny...hah! ). I suffered though that segment to find Clarkson pushing the “M” button on the steering wheel and turning the whole segment on its head. His attitude completely changes about the M5. He shows the excitement of the 8250 RPM redline, the seat bolsters that close up around you, and the power level being lifted to 507 HP. I was a 20 year old man entranced by the M5. I wanted one. Clarkson sold me a car I could not afford, and one I believed I never would.

An American flag presiding over... nothing American. A Japanese tractor and a German sedan?!

Flash forward though out the years and you’ll find a number of fun cars I’ve owned since my college days. I believe the number is at 26 vehicles at this point. The 1970 Camaro was however the breaking point. I have never lost so much money on a vehicle. It was the most emotionally driven build, most money spent, and longest downward spiraling price I’ve ever had to endure. It almost ruined me from continuing on this automotive escapade... almost.

Where to go from the Camaro... yes! Time to get something far more complicated and potentially bankrupt inducing! The BMW M5! That should solve all my problems. To anyone other than those that know me, this would be a true statement. It would be like pouring salt on an open wound. The coup de grāce of my automotive desires - my family and friends would surely see to this!

You better have a big trunk. I’m going to put my bike in it.

What you should know is that I do know BMW. I used to work on them for a living. I found this BMW from an excellent friend who tested the oil, kept it garaged, and washed it with Holy Water and dried it with minks fur. This one is the one you would buy if you wanted a M5.

Now I don’t want to kiss and tell but I got an excellent deal on it - a solid distance under $20,000. A seemingly cheap car with only one crash on the CarFax (clean title) and 60,000 miles on the odometer.

It also came equipped with the following aftermarket parts :

Eventuri Intake

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! - (F)20x9.5 265/30, (R)20x11 305/30

Evolve Tune

RPI Exhaust - Both GTS/GT (resonated/non-resonated pipes included)

If you’re wondering when the first break down will be, or if I’ll be writing about it - Sure, I wouldn’t do you dirty like that. Of course I’ll entertain the critics. I will tell you that this M5 will not be a daily driver. Read it again. Will. Not. Be. A. Daily. Driver. This will be a 3rd vehicle for me and taken out on occasional canyon runs, cars and coffee or car meet events, or even simply to charge the battery.

This is an expensive car. A potentially ruinous one if your commute depends on it. But, as a third vehicle, I think I’ve found one of the best. It is terribly quick, it sounds like an exotic, all the while being able to transport my children! Who’d-a-thunk that Clarkson would sell me a car going on two decades ago and it would take that long for me to take delivery?!

I am overjoyed to finally own one of my automotive heroes, sold to me by my automotive hero. I was fortunate to find the right car, at the right time, with the right price, and owned by an honest individual. When the iron is hot - it’s time to strike!

DISCUSSION (20)

CaptDale - is secretly British > M.T. Blake
07/22/2019 at 18:53

Very neat story and congrats on the new car! Sounds like you’ll enjoy it for a while.

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > M.T. Blake
07/22/2019 at 18:59

I’ll have you know that my dog heard the engine revving in the first video, jumped off the couch, and started barking at me wildly. Obviously, he wants me to get rid of the 535 and instead get an M5.

M.T. Blake > BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind
07/22/2019 at 19:19

Yesssssss! That made my day. Tell Doggie I said sorry.

Chariotoflove > M.T. Blake
07/22/2019 at 19:29

Good Oppo. I especially like the “only one crash” line thrown out there casually.

M.T. Blake > Chariotoflove
07/22/2019 at 19:32

Most have more. It’s casually uncrashed.

superdave847 > M.T. Blake
07/22/2019 at 20:51

You write very well and I’m extremely excited to follow your updates. Beautiful car. I like your theory that it makes the perfect third car.

M.T. Blake > superdave847
07/22/2019 at 21:38

Thank you sir. I appreciate it! More to come!

OmerCarrothers333 > M.T. Blake
07/22/2019 at 22:36

Chico, huh? Twenty years ago I dated a girl who went to Chico State, “wild” and “ cocaine” are the two words I would use to describe her.

Enough of that.

I dig the car. Your daughter is adorable. I have a pic like that of my youngest daughter with my GTI.

Have fun.

functionoverfashion > M.T. Blake
07/22/2019 at 22:46

This is awesome. What a great car. And tractor.

I bet you could ask just about any random person which one is more valuable (tractor or M5) and they’d say M5 every time.

M.T. Blake > OmerCarrothers333
07/22/2019 at 23:00

I wonder if she hung out with my friend Rick. Instead of going out to ‘get fucked up’ people would say, ‘let’s go get Ricked’.

Thanks! I’ve tried to take pictures of the kids with the memorable cars, especially on trips.

M.T. Blake > functionoverfashion
07/22/2019 at 23:01

Lol. Yes, I’ve already tested that... the tractor was $35,000.

functionoverfashion > M.T. Blake
07/23/2019 at 08:15

My old truck was worth more than my BMW, before I sold it anyway. I mean, it still is, but the comparison is decidedly less relevant when it’s not in my driveway.

Other things that are surprising to compare. My mountain bike is worth about the same as my BMW was when I sold it. My boat is worth about as much as all our cars combined, even though it’s older than the two more valuable cars (2015, 2012 vs 2003).

This write-up may inspire me to write about my boat again, because a) I love it and b) similarly, when I first realized I wanted it I was nowhere near able to afford it. The two are probably also similar in original MSRP, residual value, and the general perception of being expensive to maintain.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > M.T. Blake
07/23/2019 at 09:16

Fantastic.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind
07/23/2019 at 09:18

Destiny.

E90M3 > M.T. Blake
10/12/2019 at 16:15

Reading things like this make me remember why I got my E90 M3. I had the money to get something else, be it a 1M or an E30 M3, and I knew that those cars would be a better finical decision than an E90 M3, but the E90 was the car that I lusted after. Not the E92, but specifically the E90 M3. This generation of M cars make wonderful third cars. I want to get in my car Monday through Friday and just drive, not worry about whether or not the oil is up to temperature; however, come Saturday morning there is almost nothing greater tha n getting in my M3.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > M.T. Blake
10/12/2019 at 16:27

I loved this car (and still do) because of one thing:

Kinja'd!!!

SizzFlair > M.T. Blake
10/12/2019 at 18:09

I’ve been doing some car shopping to buy a DD (was looking at a new Shelby GT350R lol), then a local 2006 M5 popped up on radar... It was cheap ($ 12.6k), 86k miles w/ SMG, rod bearing kit installed, new tires, and SMG pump/clutch kit replaced not long ago. It had plenty of dings and was in Indy red (I wanted blue) , but I wanted a car that I could DD without worrying about getting more dings/paint chips so it passed . I jumped on it and my first mod was a custom exhaust a day later . I’ve already dumped close to $6k within a week of ownership to do a full preventative maintenance on it, upgraded headlights/tailights, rms decat headers, and a FAMS tune.

Can’t wait for everything to get here and the car is very comfortable. V10 with the new exhaust sounds amazing of course! The SMG III gearbox is clunky for sure, but I’m actually having fun driving it because it’s a little more engaging with the throttle to make it smooth between shifts. Other 3 cars of mine are manual and I don’t regret the decision (yet) to pay much less for a SMG with recent maintenance vs a 6spd . Looking forward to see how long this car lasts as my DD!

M.T. Blake > E90M3
10/12/2019 at 22:40

It’s a feeling that can give you goosebumps :)

M.T. Blake > gin-san - shitpost specialist
10/12/2019 at 22:40

One of the best BMW engines ever.

M.T. Blake > SizzFlair
10/12/2019 at 22:41

They’ve gotten so cheap, how CANT you buy one?!